Is Marriage On His Mind And Not Yours?
 


There are not many men out there who desperately want to settle down in life. Marriage is normally what women look for but there are men out there who think that they are heading into middle age without a family. Therefore they will look at any date with only one possibility and that is to get married and have babies. While such behaviors may seem refreshingly romantic at first, eventually they can start to feel confining if you're not on the same speedy timetable to get hitched. Here's how to handle an over-eager partner while you sort out how you feel about your futures:

BE FRANK ABOUT YOUR PLANS::
It is very important that you be frank and open with your date/partner. If he's open with you about what he's looking for, you owe him the same thing. While it's scary to have a guy spring marriage and babies on you on the first date, having all the cards out on the table up front can be a good thing.

How to do it: Start the conversation with a positive point — why you like spending time together — then ease into why you're not ready for marriage now (or ever) and when you might be, whether you ever see yourself with kids and approximately when. Listen to what he has to say about it. It is quite possible that he will respect your views and you might be able to negotiate some timing.

MAKE SURE HE DOES NOT LOOK AT YOU AS THE MOTHER OF HIS BABIES ALREADY::
If he's busy fitting you into the bride/baby-maker slot in his mind, you'll both be missing out on the chance to see if you can connect as people, not simply future parents. Before taking on the role of wife/mother etc, it is very important that you understand one another. If he has already made you the mother of his babies then his world will revolve in making only that a possibility and that way you will never get the see the other sides of him.

How to do it: Ask questions that will offer insight into his attitudes about relationships in general and how he feels about you. Ask questions like:: Have you ever wanted to marry before? Why is it a good time for you to marry now? What do you like about me? Why might we be compatible as a couple? If it's clear from his answers that he does care about you then try to know what his thoughts about fatherhood are. Does he want a child because all of his friends have kids or does he genuinely understand the responsibilities of being a parent and is capable of handling that responsibility.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR SPACE::
Sometimes men looking to marry are guys who crave constant companionship; it's not so much that they want family life but that they don't want to be alone. Be alert to this type, though it's usually pretty easy to spot. He calls four times an hour. He wonders why you're not spending Saturday and Sunday with him. If your guy is one of those kinds then don't be scared of asking for space. You guy needs to realize that he needs to find his own hobbies and friends and respect one another's space.

How to do it: Start a conversation which will help you understand his feelings towards you. Tell him that you feel he gets upset when you're unavailable. Express that you need your own space and if some times you want to spend your time alone or with your friends that does not mean that you don't love him and think of him. Ask for his thoughts. As he responds to your questions, pay attention to his words and his body language. Does he clench his jaw? If you think that he gets angry with these conversations then it gives you a chance to explain that you can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect your independence. Give the guy another chance only if he agrees to back off a bit—and you truly believe he means it.



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