Some humour to whistle away your
I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: How will I know if
my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q: What is the most common
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable
method to determine a baby's sex?
The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q: My wife is five months
pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: What's the difference
between a nine-month pregnant woman and a supermodel?
A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good
Q: How long is the average
woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.
My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during
labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an
Q: When is the best time
to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have
to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I
should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q: What does it mean when
a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her
plans to nurse.
Q: What is the best time
to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks.
Q: Do I have to have a baby
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel
and act normal again?
A: When the kid is in college.