Love & Romance
Subject : inter racial dilemna
Question : I am in a mess here. I am seeing a student from India since August. He is Sikh. I am American. I am 21 weeks pregnant. We are engaged but not yet married. He tells me that someday he will HAVE to marry a Punjabi woman that his mother chooses and return to India. Yet he tells me he loves me. Only our friends here know. His family has no idea. He used to put me on the phone when they called...that stopped in October after I found out I was pregnant. I am worried. He also has an ex in the next town over who calls him constantly and whom he also spends time with. He has told me I am not "homely" but I was never given a chance to prove this! No I dont know how to cook Indian food yet or speak Hindi and I dont have the same clothing...but I have everything else that any other woman in the world has biologically. He also has remarked on my education. I have only trade school and was apprenticed to a master photographer from France. I am certified by 4 major companies in the industry...but alas, have no masters degree as he does. He complains about how I ruined his life by not aborting...something I am strongly opposed to. And the way he says he will have to do what Indian tradition says makes me wonder when I look at the following: he doesnt keep his hairs,I'VE been to Gurdwara more than he has!,he drinks & smokes, and... it doesnt matter- u get the point? He isnt orthodox. He lived in Delhi his whole life and from the stories he tells me, he was no saint by any means. I didnt do half the things he claims he has- yet I am the one who is bad?? I am even the one whom suggested using Singh or Kaur in the baby's name! But then why is the tradition so important to him when he has no interest in it whatsoever!? The way he lies to everyone makes me wonder what lies I get told and dont know. He says I will never be an Indian woman...even if I was equal or better in everything I can do. What about my child? How is this fair to him/her?? To never know the grandparents etc? He wanted me to sign a prenup that said I get nothing when he leaves me and that I will let him go whenever he wishes to return to India! (I didnt sign so we didnt get married yet). Now hes been in India on holiday since December...he'll return in February. I love him and this hurts alot. When he decides to write me, which is NOT often..its lead to bickering and my crying. I am very stressed and depressed. I miss him. What should I do? I am getting nowhere. Can this work? He makes it sound like its the worse thing in the world to marry an American and father a half white child. Is it? Are parents THAT bad that it will never be accepted? PLEASE HELP...any advice is welcome!!
Posted by : M.J.
Posted on : 2005-01-15
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