Marriage & Beyond
Subject : porn
Question : I have always had a problem with porn. for the past several months my husband does nothing but sit at the computer and look and this stuff. he hides pictures and tells me he wants privacy. we have been married for 15 years. when i ask him about it or tell him how it makes me feel he says i am crazy, i need help and that i am selfish. am i wrong to be upset over this?
Posted by : lori
Posted on : 2004-04-30
Reply : Hi Lori, I had the same problem, i come from a conservative back ground and when my husband watched porn I felt very upset. I conveyed how i felt to him and asked him if he was not happy with me and if that was why he was doing so, he ofcourse said no and that he just watched it for fun etc. For a few days things were fine but then one day i walked in on him mastrubation to a porn movie in our bedroom. I was very upset and didnt know what to think. So heres what i have learnt from this and what i want ot tell u. "Men will be men! Sweety" It does not matter even if they have a super model in bed with them after a while they will go back and take a peek at playboy or a porn movie. So instead of being his mother and restricting him from just watching a movie be his friend and partner and watch it with him. And trust me sometimes if there is a man in the movie with a huge dick he will trun it off and immediatly try to please u so he doesnot look "inadequate". Remember they r as insecure as we r in this matter. ;) Isnt it better he enjoys porn at home with u instead of having to sneak out do it. If he starts to sneak out then u never know where it may end up, or with whom.
From : Ria
On : 2005-04-15
Reply : Hi Lori, I read your post and I must say that you absolutely have every right to be upset. The fact that your husband hides and asks for privacy shows that he is being quite unfair to you. After all, you are his wife and not just any woman. I do not know enough of the details here and I do not know whether or not you like porno. But you are like many women out there who find it quite offensive when their husbands choose to look at pornography and exclude their partners. All I can suggest is that perhaps it is time to seek some kind of marriage counseling because it sounds like that your husband is looking for ways to vent out his needs etc. else where when it should be you he should always turn to and confront with his issues. Also you will benefit from counseling as to be able to speak to him and explain your feelings and needs without him calling you "crazy". Communication in any healthy relationship is quite vital. Rest assured, if anything, your concerns are definately NOT crazy nor are they selfish. This is your right as a married woman who is concerned about her 15 year marriage and that is very understandable. Good luck and take care. I hope that peace and happiness will emerge soon and stay, for you and your husband. :-)
From : May
On : 2004-08-16
Reply : Hi Lori! I'm not sure why you have a problem with porn. Yes, extreme porn is clearly unhealthy as it is painful, mutilating and abusive. Have you looked at the same porn your husband is watching? either privately or with him? I watch it myself but not on the computer internet. My reasons are that my wife is simply not interested in sex. She says that is how she naturally is. Are you sure that you are not sending the same signals to your husband? Or perhaps what females do in a porn movie is what you would rather not do? Well have a look at one of the porn movies your husband is watching and then spell out what you can do and will not do. He too has to compromise. Would he like it if you went to another man (even just for sex)? I too fantasise a lot and make do without being satisfied by all my sexual fantasies. I too long for a woman just for sex - but the reality is very different - I'll grow old before I meet such a woman. Good Luck.
From : Nalayak-Geezer (London)
On : 2004-08-08
Reply : hey lori i have been having same problem with my husband too. We had this issue before in our marriage too...and i explained how i felt about it. He himself promised that he would never watch it again...but last week when i was cleaning his car i found some porn videos hiding in the corner. and i said to myself that i am gonna try and watch and maybe it will help understand whats going on and stuff u know....but instead i feel disgusted, i am angry, i am going crazy..after knowing where all the stuff is coming from that he has been trying with me...i feel used, like i am his sex toy or something, its even worse than cheating. it driving me nuts.. u r not crazy to get upset over this...its just that these men are sick! they don't care about our feelings..and disrespect us as wives when they are watching this disgusting videos.
From : zannia
On : 2004-07-12
Reply : no you are not wrong to get upset at all its infact your love, for him and making your self feel guilty un neccesarily , as u sayiong that he always sit on comp , and when you talk about it he gets upset, you need to talk to him openly but delicately whats the matter honey, you taking steps further for this dont feel odd for it , hwo will i say an all and if needed prepar your self mentally and shoot your thought slowly ,see it can be some thing odd coz pf his change from several months and not also, so you nly need is to talk to him having sex and talking openly its very normal and infact in today time it would be said abnormal if you feel tackle it in your way
From : jigi
On : 2004-07-06
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